Nineteen…A Novel


“I lived for Wednesdays. Every other day of the week was something that stood between the two of us. I lay awake at night thinking up ways to change that. I went over and over how to approach her in my head, and nothing seemed to work. I knew that it needed to be fate again. If it were fate, then I wouldn’t feel like I manipulated the situation. Then I wouldn’t be to blame if it all went wrong. So until fate would bring us together again, I lived for Wednesdays.”


“Golfing was boring. Like always. I still hate it. I guess you get invited to go golfing, and you have to go. Because it’s not really about the sport. It’s about talking about whether you’re going to buy a sailboat or an addition to your house.”


“I can’t tell you the truth because then you will know something about me that I don’t want you to know about me. And you’ll feel differently about me. When you know this other thing about me, you’ll see me in a different light, and I don’t want that.”


“I could’ve made some restitution and stayed in school. But not for seventy-five thousand a year. My dad doesn’t have that kind of dough. I’m not a Catholic, but spending six months at a Catholic school made me realize something: you can either pray for your sins or pay for your sins. Poor people get prayer and praying for my scholarship to stick only got me here.”


“I seriously fell for her, and she just killed me. I disappeared for two weeks. I just got on my bike and rode. I rode to California, and I turned around and rode back, and I still didn’t want to live. I thought if I could be stupid enough, put myself in enough danger, I could go out in a ball of fire. I imagined my brains spread out on the pavement so none of it would be my problem anymore. I couldn’t face society. I decided to sleep it off for a couple more weeks.”


Nineteen By Arly Carmack

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